Fundación Mezquita de Sevilla Fundación Mezquita de Sevilla y Centro Cultural Islámico de Sevilla®
That is why it is said that we will be treated according to how we treat others.
And this is what the Messenger Muhammad taught us,
Salla Allahu Alaihi wa Sallam, he is the best model we have in terms of behavior, he is the highest model, since he has been educated by Allah,
subhanahu wa ta’ala; and we find numerous references to this in the Qur’an, such as when Allah says to His Messenger:
“Adopt indulgence as a conduct, order what is recognized, and turn away from the ignorant!” Another proof of the importance of good conduct in our Deen is the hadith in which the Messenger of Allah, being with some of his Companions, said: “Do you know who the ruined one is?” They said: “The ruined among us is the one who has neither dirhams nor goods.
He said: “The ruined one of my Ummah is the one who comes to the Day of Resurrection with his salat, his fasting and his zakat, but he has insulted this one, he has slandered the other, he has appropriated the money of that one, he has shed the blood of the other and he has beaten that one; Then that man will take his hasanat and give them to this one and the other (to everyone he has treated badly) If his good deeds are finished before he has made up for the evil he has done, the evil deeds of others (whom he has dealt with with bad behavior) will be caught, and they will be thrown on him and he will be thrown into the Fire.” In this hadith we see clearly how our behavior has a much greater importance than we usually give it; sometimes we think that it is okay to speak badly of So-and-so, to insult Mengano, to be impolite to Zutano, to not be grateful, that all this does not matter if I then do my salat correctly.
We have just seen that no, that one who thinks in this way is wrong, that his salat, his zakat, his fasting, are of no use to him if he has not been able to behave well with others.
One of the secrets and bases of good behavior, which unfortunately we forget on many occasions, is adab, courtesy, courtesy raised to its highest and highest expression, courtesy with those near and far, with friends and enemies, with adults and children.
For certainly courtesy is what opens the doors, it is what turns the enemy into a friend, it is what brings people’s hearts closer and, not in vain, the Spanish saying goes: “Good bearing and good manners, open main doors”.
But adab in terms of the Camino goes much further than saying please and thank you; This is its basis, but we cannot and should not restrict it to just that.
The adab is being able to give others what you want for yourself, or in other words, being able to treat others as you would want to be treated.
And one of its secrets, I would dare to say that its very core, is to recognize and be grateful for what you have received.
You want people to be generous with you, so you should be generous with people, you want people to be grateful to you, you should be grateful to people, you want others to treat you with respect, so you should be respectful of others in the first place.
For if you are not capable of having this treatment and this courtesy towards others, how can you expect them to have it with you?
What happens is that we are selfish and greedy, we expect others to give us without giving ourselves, we expect others to treat us well without treating them well ourselves, we expect others to be grateful when we are not, we expect others to treat us with adab when we are unable to do so, we expect others to forgive us, But we are not able to forgive, overlook and forget.
This is something that is seen in all human relationships, but it is mainly seen in marital relationships, and even more so when the man does not fulfill his role as a man and the woman does not fulfill her role as a woman.
And it is certainly in marital relations that adab and good behavior take on a special importance and value; but it is at the same time, where unfortunately and more often this is broken.
And when it breaks up, when respect is lost, when adab is lost, when high behavior and mutual respect are lost, that’s when we see that the marriage begins to disintegrate and that relationship that in the beginning walked with the two members supporting each other and fighting each other, united in the same direction, we see how they begin to function with different objectives, towards different goals and, at the end of the road, it usually leads to each one following a different direction. The tool against this is to maintain each one and at all times his position, it is to maintain at all times the adab, it is to thank and recognize the good we have received, it is to strive to maintain a high behavior, to serve and help each other; and to do so one of the two parties may sometimes have to give up some of their rights, but is this not part of the good behavior and the elevated treatment to which Islam calls us and that the Messenger Muhammad taught us, salla allahu alaihi wa sallam?
And this is no longer unique and exclusive to marital relations although, as we all know, being the closest relationship it is also the most visible; But we must be aware that it is a reality at all levels of relationships.
It is so in our relationships with our friends, with our companions, with our parents, with people of authority and even, of course also, with those who are not Muslims because in this there is no difference between the Muslim and the non-Muslim.
Caring for others is part of the
adab and good behavior, helping others is part of adab and good behavior, giving back, recognizing and thanking the good you have received from a person, the good of a person who for years has made an effort to give you with the best intention and in the best way he has been able, despite the fact that in it he has had failures and mistakes as we all have, it is part of the adab and good conduct, it is part of the futuwwa, it is part of the asabiyah, it is part of our Path, it is part of the Deen of Islam.
That is why we must maintain courtesy and adab at all times, we must strive to maintain futuwwa and asabiyah – terms that mean the highest expression of good behavior and good character, of gratitude and recognition of good – and not turn them into mere terms of our vocabulary with which we fill our mouths in grandiloquent speeches but then, they have no implication in our behavior and relationship with others.
And I ask Allah to put sincerity in our hearts to make us recognize and thank us for the good we have received, whether from our wife, our husband, our companions, our parents or anyone who has done us any good. Shaykh Ahmed Bermejo www.ahmedbermejo.com
